Did I say something way too honest?

Here's to everything - coming down to nothing.
Here's to silence - it cuts me to the core.

I love summer days like today. Just relaxing in my backyard with betty, without a care in the world. Just enjoying this beautiful weather. Life is so great right now, everything is so good. I am genuinley happy. I thought it being the 8th month of the year id be really blue, but I am actually feeling great.

Thank God.

Time really does heal everything. It took longer than I had anticipated, but everything is better. And I could not be any more greatful.



(I'm watching my dog trip out on fly's buzzing around her, she keeps trying to catch them. Oh my little froggy doggy (::)

Blepbleppp. I am cleaning up so well. I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.

That is all

Ego.

Discovering and recognizing this "ego" I call myself. We all have this chronic dissatisfaction that never allows a good thing to last 'forever'. In the bliss of all happiness, our human nature has this undying sense of discontent. From this comes fear, greed, and the desire for more.... or power. I'm realizing that this ego we have will always tempt us to be something we're not or something better than what we are. But Ive got plans to fufill what this little (big) heart of mine desires and the ambition to follow through.

P.s. Your dissatisfaction will hold you back more then anyone or anything else, love.

The hope is fading from my lips when I kiss you with goodbye. Now when you let go of our last embrace, please don't look me in the eye. Secret's out, that I just might care about you. You broke me, you're leaving. There's nothing I can do

I'll find a way to close the door, I want to say so much more but I found you once, you're lost again. Two thousand miles took what could have been

I don't want to, won't let myself, I have to realize that this might be, this could be.... this is goodbye.
This is goodbye.

The smile fate was wearing, slowly die. Minutes turn to months. Silence of the phone just mocks my cry when I see that you've moved on.

Do I ever cross your mind? Cause you're on mine all the time. I can't believe how unfair life is sometimes.

The world is better backwards.

I never saw you again. You slammed the door as you came in. We yelled at each other about something that just shouldn't fucking matter but for some reason, it does. It happened. We spoke softly. We were in bed. I told you

"I love you."

You said the same. We went to movies and parties and friends and ate and drank and made love.

It all ended with my eyes meeting yours for the first time and the sudden, extreme feeling of expectation.

And now, how can I miss what has never existed.

Recurring dreams

......are playing a significant role in my effort to erase all traces of my memories of you.

Although, here I am speaking of you, I must admit that it is working, quite surprisingly. :)


FINALLY.


Not you, youuu. Can you believe it?
I can.

Hengilas.

(Y)(M)(Y)(M)(Y)(M)\\

(303030303030303030303030)

YMYM.


Can never sleep anymore, it is so hot. But I have the fan on me, so I am kind of cold. Drunk, but I try not to be. I can't help it anymore though.

Can you please not contact me anymore? I'm doing my best here in getting over the false fabrications of what never was, you arent helping. I fight the urge everyday, but somehow manage to break it. God has yet to hand me the power in making me stronger.
San Diego has been good to me, although, has not yet rid my mind of what used to be.


Doing everything in my power to release the toxins called you, and doing everything in my power to fight the urge to to plunge back into it. Drunk here with the toxins of fabrication and alcohol. I am really getting over this feeling. I am getting over knowing nothing I think about is worth the while. Nothing I think about is ever real. Nothing I think about ever really was. But I suppose it is all in a live and learn lesson.

And soon, mark my words, soon, I will.

everything is going so well in my life. I have met the most amazing people these past few days. I have the most amazing best friend that always looks out for me. I have the most amazing mother who would do anything for me.

I AM GOING TO MARRY VDA.
geeze.

I think I should go to sleep cuz my soul sister and best friends are starring at me like I am a crazy woman. They are entertaining each other and I want to be part of the mix. i am so tired of blogging about this and giving you my beautiful words

Time to focus on lh and va.

NIGHT

God does answer prayers.

I don't have to depend on you anymore.