Falling out of love ain't so simple.

What happens when you’re not the only thing I think about? When you stop consuming my thoughts… When I don’t wake up and pray for just five more minutes to see your face in my dream world… What happens when all that I’ve been wishing for finally comes true and I fall out of love with you? It doesn’t feel wrong, exactly, but it doesn’t feel right either. It’s like a part of my heart is missing, like I will never be able to fully love again. Like I can only half breathe. My heart can only half beat. My vision is blurry. I can’t see the world clearly anymore. The colors that were once so vibrant are now dull. I’ve fallen out of love with you, yet I still long for your touch at times. For that sense of comfort. How can I be with him when part of me wishes he was you? But when I was with you I wished the opposite. I longed for him, for the smell of his skin, the taste of his lips. Maybe that’s why I fell out of love, however inaccurate that sentence may or may not be. He was there, ready to give me what I needed. All the while you were asking me to wait. Wait and wait. But waiting gets old. I don’t care how much you love someone, you can only wait for so long before the waiting gets too much. It’s unbearable at times. At times when you need a shoulder to cry on and all you get is a keyboard. When you’re longing to kiss your loved one and there’s just a phone and a thousand miles… I couldn’t wait forever. And instead of torturing myself longer, I found someone that was here, a replacement, if you will. And while he was consoling me, being my shoulder to cry on, I tried to keep my eye on the prize. I tried to wait for you. I had it planned out, I would just leave him when you came back. It was nothing serious anyways. But it turned into more and you just took longer. And my heart began wishing, longing that I wouldn’t be in love with you, so that it would make it easier for me. I could fall out of love and just be with him, the other guy. Now I am, and it feels great, to not have to worry all the time, for the thing we had to be over, but at the same time, it feels like shit. A part of my heart is missing… I guess they were right when they said that you never forget your first love. Maybe it will always be like this… Maybe one day it will be bearable. I won’t ache for you so much. There I go again, making wishes about not caring for you anymore… Jesus Christ. I still love you, don’t I?