When a tornado meets a volcano.

I never sleep anymore, I really want to, but I can't.

I really over analyze every situation I am put in.
And here I am, always writting about the same thing over and over even though I know God wants to to just sleep, wake up, and realize my worth and that this wasn't part of it.

( My hair has gotten so long :)(: )

Anyhow, I truly admire Jónsi's work to the bone. This is so soothing, so beautiful. Even if it reminds me of a time I wish never happened, I can't help but let his talent fill my ears and pour out of my eyes (in the shape of tears and regret) and heart (in the shape of .......fuck I miss you.)

Who am I kidding, how the fuck do you get over someone who has had your heart unknowingly for almost a whole entire year, and they not even know? Honestly, I need that answer right now far more than I need to nail that interview in a few hours. I am such a sap. Such a h e l p l e s s romantic. Awake at every hour, trying desperatley to forget what never was. How pathetic, I know.. don't remind me.

I should have learned from you, 806806806806/// I should have taken the sting as something to grow from, not miss and treasure and sit here and let someone else do this to me. Right?

Which brings me to another thing..........

Dear 806806806806806806806,
Before I can live with a genuine full heart that I can be satisfied with, when will you allow me to let go of you?

I know right now, you have 86% of my heart/mind, and the other whatever %, he has, but shit fuck fuck fuck. EVERYTHING reminds me of you.

The beach, the sky, the air, my eyelashes (I can not even go a day without mascara anymore because since 10th grade, you said I was as beautiful as an angel without it, if I don't wear it... I think of those words.... I think of you... Us.... 806806///////// ) my bed, my walls, my tattoo (which by the way was put onto my skin for you, no one knows that, well, i suppose they do now), my lamp in my room, everytime I brush my teeth even- I remember you and I would brush each others teeth and practice because 'one day bear, I am going to have to woosey your lazy grumpy ass out of our bed, drag you in our bathroom, and brush your teeth for you because I hate how you do it!' - how do I remember every single word down to the core????

There I go ... There YOU go distracting me.
B806806E806806A806806806/////R.

Why can't one person, just one, aside from Lily, see how genuine I am and how much I care? I give everything, and it gets spit on and stepped on and thrown out the window of the 605 on the way to weenier dog races. Kill me.

I pray everynight. I read my bible. I study it. I should know not to speak like this, or think like this. But God is so blurry right now. I feel like I am an iceberg and he is putting me through this hot summer because he enjoys watching me fall apart. Does that make sense?

I meet someone special. I get chewed up and spit out. FUCKFUCK.

This is bullshit.


(LISTEN TO: sigur rós - glósóli)

I want to be happy again. I want to go back to before I met you. Fuck, I want to go back when I was creeped out by you and warned my friends not to even pay you any notice because you would swoop in on them. I miss when you were only someone to talk to when I was up at 4am and so were you, and we both liked weird shit and traded weird photographs.

I miss the mystery of you. Now you're just a regular ass douche bag with the worst intentions, shot my heart to hell, and should burn there with it.

No, I don't mean that. But I do ://:

La la la la la la //////// <||| xyoursMINE3



WHY am I still up.